Artists Unite Issue

March 15, 2007

THIS is what it sounds like when doves cry (a reminder)

Filed under: Events — Sky Pape @ 7:25 am

Bwahhhhhhhh……Bwahhhhhhhhhh…Sniff. Coo. Bwahhhh. Ah-kay-kaaa!!

Fer gob’s sakes! You’ll feel like a dove laying down a dozen extra large after you attend Life in a Blender’s officially sanctioned CD-release party on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, at 10 pm at the Living Room (Ludlow St. near Stanton, NYC).
It’s the official release of Life In A Blender’s new album, The Heart Is A Small Balloon.

The Daily News says: “It’s an event worth cheering….The lyrics have a clever sense of purpose and the band’s orchestrated music is a covert beauty. ”

Bad Friend Times says, “You’d be a horrible friend if you missed this show. For Thomas Crapper’s sake, when is the last time you went to a Blender show? They worked really hard on this album—you could at least come to this one show!
And they’re playing with the raunchalicious Jesus H. Christ and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, appearing with their full horn section. Plus, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. Patty loves you, man. Come on. Let’s have some of black stuff
together. And I don’t mean the drippings that have accumulated in the pan underneath Cheney’s soul or Pete Rose’s underwear.”

Face Cramp News says, “I get a big face cramp just thinking about you being there.”

The Servant’s Tablet says, “You’ll feel like you’re at our holiday party in the root cellar near the main house.”

The Mocking Lisping Fainting Prostitute say, “Wait…I’ll need my jewelerth loop to thee that…that…that…[clunk].”

Saint Patrick says, “I am Patrick, a sinner, most uncultivated and least of all the faithful and despised in the eyes of many… you want to hang out sometime?”

and then he says, “That’s no bagpipe…but don’t stop playin!!”

The Fifth Guinness says, “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!”

The Self-Loving Astronaut says, “Let’s start the countdown to touching myself! You won’t believe what happens after Zero!”

What Happens After Zero says, “You’ll feel like you just rode Seabiscuit…..through the car wash…..with your wives and girlfriends. Let’s hope Seabiscuit and them never meet. Who am kidding?!?! They love Seabiscuit. Hey, Saint
Patty! Let’s kick some butt!”

Alfred from Batman says, “I’m sorry Mr. Wayne but this is the one hour a week I have to myself at the city pool. You’ll have to pull the Joker’s laugh-thistles out yourself…..with your own tweezers.” (And with his new found courage, Alfred abruptly grabs the tweezers from the Batman’s hand, swivels on his heel, and walks three desolate miles down a long
tunnel. Camera zooms in on the Batman. His face registers panic, followed by smug self-assurance. The Batman holds his glove in front of his nose, and slowly rising, mysteriously from his glove, are another pair of tweezers. He reaches back and begins struggling, trying to pull out another thistle. His expression is emotionless.
The silence is broken by the Batman’s whisper:
“Go for your swim, Alfred….uhh!”
[The Batman pulls out a thistle from his backside...he plunks it in a large jar full of thistles.]
“Leave me here alone…uhh!”
[Another thistle plucked and dropped into the jar.]
“But I know something you don’t Alfred…uhh!
[one more plucked and plunked]
“You forgot your swim trunks….uhhhh!”
[and with that final "uhhhh," the Batman has plucked a pair of swim trunks
from somewhere and they dangle before him on the end of his tweezers.]

Plus: Come early and break into a cold sweat with Uncle Moon at 7 pm.

You can get the CD online at or

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